The latest “General Hospital” updates present a gallery of moral failures and desperate power plays that make the Port Charles courtroom look more like a circus of the absurd than a hall of justice. As the foundations of Willow Tait’s murder trial supposedly “shake,” what we are actually witnessing is a collection of entitled narcissists scrambling to see who can point the finger fastest to save their own skin.

At the center of this pathetic display is Michael Corinthos, a man who has clearly inherited the family talent for selective memory and self-preservation. The revelation that he was at Drew’s house on the night of the shooting is the least surprising “bombshell” in soap history. What is truly galling is the suggestion that he might testify against his own wife, Willow, to deflect suspicion from himself. The hypocrisy is staggering: the Corinthos clan prides itself on “loyalty” and “family first,” yet Michael is reportedly ready to throw the mother of his children to the wolves the moment the legal heat turns up.

Alexis Davis, meanwhile, is busy playing detective with an anonymous letter—likely from Martin Gray, whose only hobby seems to be lurking in bushes and profiting from other people’s misery. Alexis knows the letter isn’t proof, yet the narrative treats this amateur-hour espionage as a “game-changer.” If her best strategy is to rely on corrupted traffic footage and a mystery informant who is too cowardly to show his face, Willow’s defense is as hollow as Michael’s integrity.

Even more nauseating is the potential for Tracy Quartermaine to commit perjury. She is terrified of the witness stand not because she values the truth, but because she’s pragmatic enough to fear a jail cell. The Quartermaines and Corinthos families are essentially two sides of the same counterfeit coin: they treat the law like a suggestion and the courtroom like a stage for their personal vendettas.

The side plots are equally steeped in chaos and poor decision-making. We have Portia Robinson wandering through a “midlife pregnancy” drama because she couldn’t manage to keep her personal life stable, now turning to Ava Jerome—the local patron saint of bad choices—for advice. Then there is Drew Kane, who is actually considering committing perjury because he’s “desperate.” It seems no one in Port Charles can simply tell the truth without calculating how much it will cost them or who it will hurt.

Whether it’s Josslyn Jax failing upward as a WSB operative or Sonny and Laura being outmaneuvered by a villain like Sidwell, the message is clear: in this town, the only thing more certain than a holiday preemption is that the characters will choose the most deceitful path possible and then act shocked when it blows up in their faces.